Sunday, October 14, 2007

We do not have a clipboard of fun in this house

10/13/07: Indians 13, Red Sox 6

We were really hoping for the Redemption Arc. When Eric Gagné came in in the 11th, ball in hand and determination in his eyes (which we knew thanks to FOX's freaky obsession with the dramatic close-up), we were hoping that this could be the moment he turned it all around, saved the day, and inspired us all to go out and buy his jerseys. It was going to be epic, a thing of legend, a tale for the ages. And he even struck the first batter out, which had to be an auspicious sign, right?

Yeah, it was late. We were tired, and possibly delusional. It was the Epic Tragedy Arc all along.

Eric Gagné, take a page from your fellow countryman Dave Coulier and, "Cut. It. Out."

Yeah, you know how bad the jokes on Full House were? This is how bad the 11th inning went for the Red Sox. It's Stephanie driving her dad's car into the kitchen, or everyone thinking that DJ drank a beer at the school dance. This was a good beginning that went horribly wrong, like Tanner Family Fun Night--and much like Tanner Family Fun Night, it will end with everybody walking the plank.

But as every half-hour is leavened by the brilliant comic timing of Kimmy Gibbler, at least there are things to take solace in. We learned that our guys can hit Fausto Carmona and drive him from the game as quickly as Cleveland got to a pitcher twice his age. And like the raw animal magnetism of Jesse Katsopolis, there was plenty of sex appeal provided by Mikey and Manny and the long ball. Not to mention that there's something we'll always treasure about the sight of Manny's third bases-loaded walk in two days. That's what we call not swinging at bad pitches.

Come to think of it, maybe last night's tragedy arc is really just part one of a very special two-part episode. The series is tied at 1-1, and there's still plenty of time left for us all to learn a life lesson, enjoy a group hug, and chuckle as Jonathan Papelbon says something precocious ("You're in BIG TROUBLE, Grady Sizemore!").

That's how it's going to end, right, guys?


Texas Gal said...

I was right there with y'all -- when he K'd that first batter out of the gate, against all of my rational judgment, I really started hoping that Saturday was going to be HIS NIGHT. I let my heart take control for a minute- when my brain knew better.

I don't hate the guy, but he cannot play for us anymore. He needs to ride the pine permanently. I don't even think a 50 run lead would be safe.

jennifer said...

Agreed on all counts. I don't hate the guy, but he really has to spend the rest of the post-season playing pirate games and singing sea shanties.

maxwell horse said...

Your extensive knowledge of Full House is both impressive and frightening.

lucky number 33 said...

Maxwell, it's a very important scientific body of knowledge.

That, and we were kids in the 80s, we can't help it.