Thursday, November 15, 2007

We do not know a hawk from a handsaw in this house

Old Business:

We've been easing our way into the offseason by downloading classic games from iTunes, and so far we've watched Game 6 of the 2003 World Series--we were too busy hating baseball and all its works and all its empty promises to properly appreciate the dominance of young Josh Beckett* at the time--and Roger Clemens' 1986 twenty-strikeout game. It's a lot of fun. For the record, Baby Beckett and Baby Rocket really do have extremely similar stances, Miguel Cabrera really was a svelte young thing, and the Mariners really did used to wear wide, gold-striped elastic belts. Next stop for our Tardis: 1965 and Sandy Koufax.

Also, we know we're behind, 'cause we haven't said anything since Mikey Lowell failed to sign on the dotted by the deadline.** It's hard to keep up with all the rumors and denials of rumors and noncommittal comments, even if we limit ourselves to Nick Cafardo's mad flailing as our main source of news. No rumor too random to bite your nails over, huh? And how come there's no news on Mike Timlin?

New Business:

Well, tonight Buster Olney claimed on SportsCenter that he expected Lowell to make a decision within 72 hours. So that'll make the weekend interesting, since nothing else is going in baseball news at all.

Oh, and we heard something about Barry Bonds and Alex Rodriguez? We heard that they're forming some kind of wacky Harlem Globetrotter exhibition team together, with a $300 million dollar payroll and George Mitchell as the GM? The Alcatraz Sharks, or something? Bright orange uniforms? Do we have that information right? It's not like ESPN is talking about it at all.

Rodriguez and Bonds have had their parallel storylines going all year, with these great Shakespearean overtones. They are men of great talent and power brought low by ego and greed; they're everywhere and yet they seem elusive, surrounded by myths and mockery.*** We should be fascinated. And we would be fascinated to find out what actually goes on in their heads, if they'd like to step to the corner of the stage and begin the monologue. But as long as they have agents and lawyers, that will never happen. And we just don't want to read, hear, or watch any more of Keith Law and Murray Chass and freakin' Charles Barkley pontificating about Barry's or Alex's issues. We're over it.

Unless there is going to be swordfighting, in which case we are there. With bells on.


*He shakes off Pudge Rodriguez like forty-seven times, to no apparent ill effect. Further evidence for our totally intangible case that Jason Varitek is magic.

**We support the Papel-blog's NDRaPRSFftEMRSoML effort and are definitely all for the emotionally motivated re-signing of Mike Lowell, but we could never be club members because we are not normally discerning, rational or pragmatic. Not like you couldn't tell.

***Also, we once read a scholarly analysis proving that King Lear could really rake.

5 comments:

Jess said...

So how are the iTunes games? I keep thinking about downloading some, but I don't like their whole license thing. I really wish they'd just put up every game ever, because there are some great ones I'd love to see again. And the last time I checked, the only games available from the 2003 ALCS were two that the Yankees won, which is just sad.

I've been wondering about Mike Timlin, too. I wish someone would tell us something! At least there aren't daily 'omg omg omg' reports to stress us out.

Also, Doctor Who reference! Further confirmation of the awesomeness of your blog, which I now express, having only recently discovered it :)

Texas Gal said...

I second the motion for every game ever- they should start with last year, and just go year by year adding all the games. Think how much cash they'd make- I'd download a TON.

And I am such a dork, I have that Game 6 of '03 on iTunes AND in wmv format on my computer.

I also downloaded Nolan's 7th no-hitter, Clay's no-hitter, Roger's 300th and the '03 Marlins-Cubs NLCS Game 6. These help me get through the dark times of the offseason.

Kristen said...

You can download baseball contests on iTunes? I was not aware of this. This is very interesting indeed. These crazy, new-fangled interwebs! What will the kids think of next?

Psyched2Knit said...

I love the Shakespeare reference. It is so true - Shakespeare really did cover the whole human experience. There could even be some awesome musical about these two. Kind of like Wicked, except that the audience would struggle with it because they wouldn't be able to relate to either protagonist. - thanks for the post!

lucky number 33 said...

The iTunes games are pretty great, although yeah, making sure you don't mis-click and accidentally end up downloading Aaron Boone is crucial.