SCENE:
A posh steakhouse in Ft. Myers, Florida. A table.
DRAMATIS PERSONAE:
Jason VARITEK
DOUGIE FRESH Mirabelli
CHORUS of Baby Catchers*
VARITEK: We few, we happy few, we band of catchers--
DOUGIE FRESH: All right, stop! Collaborate and listen,
Dougie's back with my home run hittin'.
Wakefield throws a pitch that goes knuckle-y,
Killin' hitters dead like William F. Buckley.**
Will it be a strike? Yo, I should know
Into my glove it'll go.
To the extreme, I hit grand slams like Slim J.D.
Making pitchers cry all "Dude Looks Like a Lady."
Love it or leave it, I had to lose weight,
But you better be watching when I block home plate.
If you want a lobster, yo, they'll boil it
Tek's gonna pay, I'm'a go hit the toilet.
CHORUS: Deep deep Dougie.
VARITEK: Mirabelli--
[DOUGIE FRESH exits.]
CHORUS: Deep deep Dougie.
VARITEK: I need another drink.
*Because we're not sure who all were there, exactly. Or how to spell their names. Sorry, we're still hung over from Doug Mirabelli Appreciation Night.
**RIP, we suppose.
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6 comments:
Win.
doug_the_stud (on LJ)
This is one of those times when I'm glad you're on my side.
"Tek's gonna pay, I'm'a go hit the toilet."
I may have just peed my pants.
You leave Dougie out of this!! He's mine!
Tootles
Carson K.
just remember dougie's going deep tonight.gotta give the guy credit for a lousy hitting, knuckleball catching "we probaly never would have heard of catcher" that has two world series rings now thats a career...dougie we love ya
I'm just realising how close you are to being able to use DAMN as a shortened name for the night...
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